Some Polonius-ish Advice

So, as a recent grad I feel the (nearly egotistical) need to send some Polonius like adivce to some recent seniors!

  This year is going to to  by so quickly!  I can't even express how fast it's going to go.  It feels like at one moment you are walking through the doors on your first day, then the next you're paying your grad fees.  Which you should do early, don't wait last minute to pay your grad fees.  This year coming up for you is going to be hectic at best.  Between actually school work and prom ect.  it gets to be a lot on your plate.  Don't stress too much about prom, and a prom date.  It will all work out.  Remember, your prom escort (escort sounds better than date) isn't going to be the man or woman you marry (or maybe you will?) it can be just a friend, or even someone's brother.  I went with just a friend, and it was perfectly fine.  It's maybe even a little better going with just a friend then you don't have all that weird couply pressure, yanno?  And plus, if you two break up your prom photos wont be you and your ex-girl/boyfriend.  The closer you get to being finished, the more friendly teachers get.  Everyone has that one teacher they got close with, that became almost like a mentor throughout school, saying goodbye to this teacher is sad, nearly more sad than saying goodbye to some of your friends.  Oh yes, when you're at prom and you're walking down redcarpet, it's going to be very overwhelming.  EVERYONE takes your picture, not just people you know... EVERYONE.  Remember, head high, one leg infront of the other, shoulders back, big smile.  Coffee is your friend, don't hate on coffee and don't hate on the people who make you your coffee.  These people are like little angels sent to you with cups full of love.  If you develop a minor caffeine addiction, don't fret... it will only prepare you for your next university year.  Remember all the little details of your life around you right now.  This is your last year and a student at SPSS and all the little things are going to matter when you're gone and want to keep memories.  Don't be one of those people who live their senior year through the lens of a camera.  I know those memories are important to document, but some of the best memories come at those times that are unplanned.  Be spontanious... so you're seitting in the middle of class and a freak rainstorm happens.  Grab the hall pass, find a friend and go out and dance in that rain.  This year, especially near grad, people you haven't talked to in the last five years will all of a sudden want to become your bestfriend.  Don't fight it, invite it.  Put past grudges and fights behind you and have fun.  This is your last year with all of these people, the least you can do is save the drama and let the past stay there.  Live in the moment.  Under your grad gown, wear something REALLY comfurtable.  And also, girls, don't bobbypin your cap on... you take it off and on so many times it doesn't really matter.  You move the tassel right to left.  When choosing a university, don't listen to what everyone is telling you, you SHOULD do, do you WANT to do, and what feels right for you.  I know it doesn't sound practical, but when thinking about money don't.  Your education is important enough to go in debt for.  Loan it, scholarship it, borrow it, I don't care, but this is your future.  If George busts you in the hallways, chat him up about Norman Rockwell or argue the differences of a comic and a graphic novel.  Enjoy every moment, every single moment.  All the laughs, all the tears all the drama.  Remember it all.  Enjoy it all.  And don't get caught up in it being your last year!
Peace, love and grad caps,
Sam.

Home, Let Me Go Home.

So, I graduated and am officially don't highschool.  It's still a weird feeling that I haven't gotten 100% used to yet.  I still feel like I am going to walk the hallways of my former school next year, and everything will be like it has for the past four years.  I will enter at the doors closest to the student parking lot.  You have to yank on the doors really hard to get them open.  I will balance my coffee ontop of my binder and hold the door open with my foot.  Once I enter the flourescent hallway, I will see the janitor.  I don't know his name, in my head I just call him New Wally, I think his name is Ernie or Erve.  I enter and turn right and walk down the hallway that has the offices and Mr. Whyte's room... which is never open it's too early.  I will continue down to my locker, open it (08-22-32).  I set me coffee on the bench across from my locker and set my coat and other belongings inside.  I grab my coffee and decide if I want to stand there and read and wait till more people arrive or if I'll go down at talk to Moeller.  Usually, I just drink my coffee at my locker, I'm not very talkative in the mornings.  The teachers and staff start arriving.  First an aid worker, then the secretaries.  I say hi to them all and get greeted with a good morning.  Sometimes RD would show up early and we'd talk, sometimes she wouldn't.  I'd spend each morning drinking my coffee, enjoying some silence before my day started.
Next September, it's all different.  I don't have this same routine, I can't even picture what it's going to be like.  To be honest, I'm terrified.... not knowing what to expect.  I'm scared I'm going to do badly, or not be able to take this big of a step.  It just feels like a lot happening, even though nothing in my day to day life is actually going on.  I spend each day pretty alone. 
I'm scared and I'm nervous.  It's over shadowing my excitement.

Same Ghost Every Night (Wolf Parade)

I'm having one of those moments where my mind is so busy, that talking about what is on my mind is futile; what am I supposed to talk about when I have everything to talk about?  My senior year is coming to an end in nine days (but who's counting?) and grad is in eighteen (again, who's counting?).  My last few weeks have been nothing short of stressful.  Everything just happened all at ones: friend stuff, school stuff, boy stuff.  Now, I am trying to compartmentalize and just make it through these next few weeks; this is harder than one would think.  I know in the back of my mind, that these silly high school love triangles are nothing short of ridiculous, but for some reason, I am still affected by them.  Being involved is some akin to beating your head against a brick wall, repeatedly for a long period of time.  That being said, my last year at SPSS hasn't been all horrible.  I have had some really fun times: made new friends, new memories, new connections.  I'm not even going to lie about finding myself and blah, blah, blah.  I am still just as identity confused as I was when I first stepped foot in the public school system of DC in grade seven... only this time there is less eyeliner and angst.
Now, this is going to probably evolve into a mushy grad post, but oh well, it was bound to happen sooner or later.  I don't even know who reads this anymore.
Anyway...
I am floored that we made it to 2010.  It seemed, starting highschool three years ago, it was never going to end.  To me, it seemed as though it was going to last forever, there was nothing beyond the blue doors of SPSS.  Never, had it occurred to me, that grade twelve would happen, and the impending future would catch up to us all.  The future was just another F word we all used, dreamed about, but never was really a solid piece of matter... until now.  The future just isn't a word or a concept anymore, the future is becoming our present, and we all have to be ready for it.  It's still a foreign thought to think that next year, we're all going to be in university spread out throughout Canada.  I mean, I'm going to Vancouver (oh yeah, btw the I got unto UBC Vancouver, HUZZAH!), most seem to be going to Prince George, and others elsewhere, some staying in the Mile 0.  It all doesn't feel real to me, I still feel like there is some cosmic joke being played.
Graduation is just around the corner, and then that's it.  South Peace is over for us.  We become students of University of British Columbia, Emily Carr, Simon Fraser and assorted other schools.  No longer do we walk the cramped hallways.
Looking back on my highschool experience, it was pretty good.  I have grown so much, as so have my peers... well some of them... we all grew up (or didn't) with eachother and now we are all moving onto to grow some more with new people in a new setting.  It's bittersweet in a way, happy yet sad.  As of now, it doesn't matter who Johnny is banging or who Sally is wheelin'... what matters now is keeping the connections with the people we grew with the most and also giving eachother room to grow some more.  I refuse to recite our ridiculous grad rhyme.  REFUSE... but hey... we did it... we made it through... maybe a little bruised and worse for ware, but it was an adventure in a book we can all soon close.

Keep Your Head Up, Kid

I'm exhausted, bloody exhausted.  Grade twelve is a whirlwind of everything: unexpected friendships, boys, university, grad, life, growing up.  At this moment right now I feel as though life is happening too fast for me to really keep up.  My friends have been accepted into university, those going, other one(s) are moving across the country.   I myself have been accepted into university, (University of British Columbia, Okanagan campus).  UBC-O wasn't my first choice, UBC Vancouver was, essentially I've been short listed for UBC-Van.  When I found out, I was essentially devastated, and couldn't rejoice in the fact that I was indeed, accepted into university.  A very good university at that.  I just had my mind so made up about Vancouver, that it became apart of me, apart of my identity.  Now, that it might not be there, I'm a little lost as to who I am and what I'm going to do, and how I'm going to do it.  Growing up is hard.  We are going to have to give up our old selves.  The people we were in highschool, and become someone new.  We are starting a whole new chapter in our lives, and we can choose to stay here and be the same person we were in highschool.  In highschool, our lives were planned out for us, we knew what to expect every year.  Now, we're all going off to start a new life, an independent life.  This is our last year as children really, before we take on the world.  It's terrifying, it's exciting, it's sad, it's bittersweet.  It's so many things I can't even wrap my head around it, I don't know if I ever will.

Phantom List of All Time Favourite Songs...

1)  Santeria - Sublime
2)  Rocky Mountain High - John Denver
3)  Africa - Toto
4)  The Only Living Boy in New York - Simon and Garfunkel
5)  Re: Stacks - Bon Iver
6)  Meadowlark - Fleet Foxes
7)  Pulling on a Line - Great Lake Swimmers
8)  Million Dollars - the Joel Plaskett Emergency
9)  In the Summertime - The Rural Alberta Advantage
10) Thirty-Three - Smashing Pumpkins


All songs are subject to change.

I'm Having a Depressing Personal Moment. I apologize.

   So, this blog post is going to be really out of character I guess, kind of depressing and self deprecating, I'm sorry.  But I just need to write out my feelings to try and keep track of what is going through my brain.

  You know, I'm a happy person.  I love the smalls things in life like jumping on ice and cracking it or the way sunlight catches water and casts a rainbow.  I am a happy person.  But, to put it in simple terms, I'm more Meredeth Grey than Izzie Stevens.  I'm not simple, I come with me and about forty luggage bags of baggage and I'm only eighteen.  I don't sleep, I'm a bloody insomniac, I read Russian literature and call it beautiful, I listen to folk music and Jay-Z, I can quote Gilmore Girls and usually make really awkward pop culture references, I think Family Guy is funny, I cry during movies and refuse to applaud after watching a movie in the theatre, university makes me excited even though I get paralyzing fear of moving to a city I've never really explored, I never would have made it through highschool without coffee and my person, I've never had a boyfriend, I hate diamonds and gold, I will gladly spend all my money on coffee, books and music, I stress bake to make myself feel better, I rarely watch TV, I drink cups of tea, I volunteer because I love helping people I like the feeling it gives me and I like making a change in someone else's life for the better... I don't do it for the title or for school credits, I want to travel with just my backpack and my camera and go where ever I want, I want an adventure, I love easily and get hurt easily, I hate sitting on a chair someone else just sat in because of their residual ass warmth, I have good days and bad days with self esteem, I listen to bands people haven't heard of... not to be oh so cool but because to me you can still feel the human emotion behind the music, trust doesn't come easy to me, I live in my head, I love to talk, I love movies, I am a very proud Canadian but can see the flaws in my country, I realize that home isn't where your house is  home is where you're happy and can be anywhere at anytime, I can about the environment and hate people who think Global Warming is a hoax, I am confused about 90% of the time and usually have no idea what I'm doing but I do it anyway...

I understand all that crap about "one day love will happen for you" and blah blah blah... but for once, I would like to be able to have a name for what I'm feeling right now, because I don't.

I Can Be Alone, Yeah, I Can Watch A Sunset On My Own...

This blog post is brought to you by a big heaping helping of realization.

Okay, so, as of late, I've noticed a lot of negativity around me.  Negativity in the sense of people hating the world, people hating themselves, people hating their situations ect. ect.

I COMPLETELY understand, it's perfectly normal to have FML moments in your life, I had like five to day, but you know what... why do we insist on dwelling on them?  When in reality, no matter how much we dwell on them, it's not going to change the fact that they happened.  See, in my head (it's a scary place in there), when you have a FML moment, you have two choices:  1) You can sit there, and let it stew in your head going over it again and again and again or 2) REACT, do something about it, take your life, in YOUR hands and fix what happened, or try and improve on what happened.  We control those moments, and it's up to us to see the brighter side of everything to make it better.  As a person, you can't just sit around waiting for other people to solve things for you.  You have to take an active role in your world, and sometimes do it yourself.  Now this doesn't mean going to friends or family with problems is a bad thing.  Talking it through can be really healthy and cathartic.  It's AMAZING to have those people in your life who you can trust openly.  I'm just saying that you can talk it out, you can take opinions and suggestions, but at the end of the day, it's really up to you what you do.

So, in conclusion.  Live a life full of happiness and positivity.  Feel beautiful, surround yourself with beautiful things.  Find people in your life who you can trust and make you feel loved.  Don't dwell on the negative, instead, fix it.  Look at the world as a glass half full, not half empty.

Love,
Sam.



PS.  When all else fails, and your day is COMPLETE crap, turn on ABBA, and dance your ass off.