I'm Having a Depressing Personal Moment. I apologize.

   So, this blog post is going to be really out of character I guess, kind of depressing and self deprecating, I'm sorry.  But I just need to write out my feelings to try and keep track of what is going through my brain.

  You know, I'm a happy person.  I love the smalls things in life like jumping on ice and cracking it or the way sunlight catches water and casts a rainbow.  I am a happy person.  But, to put it in simple terms, I'm more Meredeth Grey than Izzie Stevens.  I'm not simple, I come with me and about forty luggage bags of baggage and I'm only eighteen.  I don't sleep, I'm a bloody insomniac, I read Russian literature and call it beautiful, I listen to folk music and Jay-Z, I can quote Gilmore Girls and usually make really awkward pop culture references, I think Family Guy is funny, I cry during movies and refuse to applaud after watching a movie in the theatre, university makes me excited even though I get paralyzing fear of moving to a city I've never really explored, I never would have made it through highschool without coffee and my person, I've never had a boyfriend, I hate diamonds and gold, I will gladly spend all my money on coffee, books and music, I stress bake to make myself feel better, I rarely watch TV, I drink cups of tea, I volunteer because I love helping people I like the feeling it gives me and I like making a change in someone else's life for the better... I don't do it for the title or for school credits, I want to travel with just my backpack and my camera and go where ever I want, I want an adventure, I love easily and get hurt easily, I hate sitting on a chair someone else just sat in because of their residual ass warmth, I have good days and bad days with self esteem, I listen to bands people haven't heard of... not to be oh so cool but because to me you can still feel the human emotion behind the music, trust doesn't come easy to me, I live in my head, I love to talk, I love movies, I am a very proud Canadian but can see the flaws in my country, I realize that home isn't where your house is  home is where you're happy and can be anywhere at anytime, I can about the environment and hate people who think Global Warming is a hoax, I am confused about 90% of the time and usually have no idea what I'm doing but I do it anyway...

I understand all that crap about "one day love will happen for you" and blah blah blah... but for once, I would like to be able to have a name for what I'm feeling right now, because I don't.