Life Is Just Beginning

Music+Me

2010-08-17T21:10:00.000-07:00

I have decided that it's that time again, I compose a list of music that I'm in love with, and that gets me through. I did this before, a while ago. Times have changed.

Fleet Foxes to me are nearly as nescessary as water. This is one of the bands that I listen to on a daily basis, and one of the bands that can actually lull me to sleep. They have this weird sort of meloncholic, melodic value to them that instantly puts me at ease. Blue Ridge Mountains is my favourite song by them.

Rural Alberta Advantage is a band I happened upon this year, I fell in love with them instatly. Don't Haunt This Place is one of my all time favourite songs. I love the words, and the way the song is sung. I can honestly listen to their album at anytime and love it.

Great Lake Swimmers... where do I even begin? This is band makes me want to live my life. I had a hard time choosing a song by them to post. Put There by The Land just happens to be the one I last listened to.

Embedding was disabled for this video, so click here.
Bon Iver. You know, it's funny... I hated Bon Iver the first time I heard him. Seriously (some of my really close friends right now are going "WHAT!?"). I thought it was the most annoying music I had ever heard. But then, one night I was trying to fall asleep... it was during a particularily horrible bout of insomnia, and Bon Iver came on my shuffle. I have many favourite bands, but I had never felt the way Bon Iver made me feel when I was listening to his music. It's just like every thought or worry I had got lost in the melodies and his strange, strange voice. It actually made my heart beat all wonky. After this, Bon Iver just became my band (I know, he's not a band he's just Justin Vernon). I cant fully describe what this means, but I can just listen to Bon Iver at anytime, and it's like magic. I am calm, or I am happy, or I am sleeping, or whatever. I can just get lost. I love it.
Some more Bon Iver... just because.

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This is all you really need to know, to know me.

Peace, love, and music,
Sam.

Absolute Peace

2010-08-15T22:20:00.000-07:00

You know, it's strange where peace can be found: concerts, meditation, yoga, storms, nature, ect. Personally, I never have a set place where I find peace; it kind of just hits me. Now, I'm not talking about some kind of enlightened state; just the feeling that everything in your life is balanced, and your mind is quiet. My mind is rarely quiet, and those who know me, know that I usually talk a mile a minute, and jump from topic to topic quite frequently. But, tonight I found absolute peace.
I was driving home from my friends house, she lives in the country, and it was raining and lightening. I drove with my window down, so I could hear and smell the rain. Everything was a deep indigo colour; the most beautiful blue. I was listening to Fleet Foxes, a staple band for me, one that I listen to quite often to calm my mind. Just the coolness of the air, the smell of the rain, the lightening, to melodic quality of the music, and the openess of the empty road, I was at peace: utter, absolute peace. I was just being: breathing in and out. Nothing mattered, just complete calm.
I cherish these moments in my life, where everything just seems to fall into place, everything works together in a symbiotic orchestra: nothing out of tune or beat.
This moment to me is a great end to my summer, essentially. In a weeks time, my friends are starting to move, I only have two weeks left in Dawson before I move. It's time to accept that my life is changing and everything that is happening and has been happening for the past ten months, is real. It's time to start packing and saying my goodbyes (Until December!). It doesn't matter if I'm not ready anymore, life is moving on with or without me.

Monday

2010-08-09T19:51:00.000-07:00

I am sure that today was one of the longest mondays I have ever endured.
Firstly, Mondays are usually my day off. I often do my banking and other errands I can't do on Sunday because everything is closed. Oh yes, and on Sunday nights I usually goto bed late, because I get to sleep in on Mondays. Not today! Today, I got a call from my manager asking me to come in today, becasue she was feeling ill and needed another girl on staff. I mean, this is fine, life goes on. Yadda, yadda, yadda. I get to work, all is fine, the day is passing with out issue, then It happens. It is some unknown Monday poltergeist that decided to bestow unlimited bad luck upon the employees of the Pet Store. First, it started with some kind of mysterious Ebola plague killing the gold fish. I think atleast seventy died today. Know how gross that is? It's nasty. Then, It struck again and for the last three hours of work, the internet went down, rendering the debit machines useless. Now, you'd think people could read the bright neon signs that said the debit was down and that we're accepting cash only, but nope.
All in all, today was... interesting and exhausting.
Love, peace, and the bubonic fish plague,
Sam.

Eat, Pray, Love

2010-08-08T17:21:00.000-07:00

So, I have decided to embark upon the task to read Eat, Pray, Love (by Elizabeth Gilbert). I want to see what all this hoopalah is about! I hope it's as good as everyone says it is!
Peace, Love and Lazy Sunday Afternoons,
Sam.

Where are you, my dear friend?

2010-08-08T02:58:00.000-07:00

Today was a hard day. Today was my great-aunties funeral, and I still worked a full day on top of that. I had a bit of a meltdown at the funeral. It wasn't really the fact that she was gone, I mean, atleast she isn't suffering anymore, it was more the fact that my grandpa was really tourn about it, and my grandma. They're two people I really don't want to see sad. Not to mention, it kind of gave me a reality check about the mortality of them. You never think about when someone is going to die... why would you? To me, my gradparents are invisible, or were... but today seeing Bev's granddaughters deliver her eulogy, it hit to close to somewhere I don't want to call home. I love my grandparent's a lot, both sets, and I don't want these reminders of a human's life, and how it eventually all has to end. Not everyone lives forever.
This all leaves me sitting here, alone in my room in the dark, listening to music wishing I had someone to talk to. It's 3am and there really isn't anyone online, not that I would really spill most of my thoughts right now to someone who just happened to be online. I know I wont be sleeping tonight.
This is where I miss my iPod. I know, it sounds so silly, it's just a electronic device... but really it's more than that.
I am a chronic insomniac sometimes. I have a tendency to over think things; it's tiring. I tend to do this abundance of thinking usually in the wee hours in the morning. All this thinking severely inhibits my sleep... to nearly nothing.
You see, music helps this. With music (and amazing noise cancelling headphones!) I can drown out my own thoughts. I can lose myself in the lyrics and the beat, or in pleasent memory that is attached to a particular song. I can concentrate on something that isn't happening in my head, I can concentrate on someone else... someone else's thoughts. One could suggest I can just put a CD on in my stereo and call it good... but that wont work. I wish it would. I don't know how to explain this... but with headphone, especially the kind I have, it's like the music I am lisiting to, is my thoughts. The words, the beats and how they all work together take over my brain, they cancel out every ounce of what ever was troubling it and replaces it with a song. With a stereo, it's just background music, it's there, but I can still hear my thoughts over it... when the music is right in my ears, in my head, in my brain, it's not background music... it's me, it's apart of me. This is really the reason I am so picky about my music. I'm not being some pretentious ass, who wants to flaunt indie music genious... it's because the music I chose to listen to, I am letting be apart of me. Music, for the most part, is there for me than most people are. Now, this isn't a poor me, poor me thing, I know I have people in my life that care for me and that I could call at anytime and they'd listen to me and be there for me, but just not in the same way. I could sit there for hours and try to articulte to someone else my thoughts and how I was feeling, but it wouldn't stop the thought, it would just make it grow, even after the conversation stopped. I do talk to people when I need too, but for a lot of the time, I just don't want to talk about it.
Basically, I miss my iPod and I miss a thoughtless sleep. I miss sleep period. I miss my auntie Bev and I miss some friends I don't talk to nearly enough anymore.
Peace, love and thoughtless nights,
Sam.

PS.
A happier post is coming soon, I swear.

UBC;Yoga;28 Days&No Sheets

2010-08-06T19:40:00.000-07:00

Lately, I have had a thought. This thought consists of me not going to UBC nor living in Vancouver, and working at the Pet Store as a lifer. I mean, why not? The girls I work with are amazingly nice, and I have found a great friend in a co-worker, so really, why not stay?
I am only thinking hypothetically of course, I don't want to stay here for the rest of my life, I couldn't handle myself.
UBC and Vancouer are my dreams, and I don't know what good karma I have built up (saving a puppy from a burning building? that never happened. Jokes) But I am getting both my dreams. I really WANT them, but I don't know if I am ready; I am scared shitless (for lack of a better colloquialism). I just don't know what to expect, it all doesn't feel very real right now. It wont feel real until my second week in, I betcha.
It seems like all the friends that are going down to Vancouver too, are confident and ready. They just seem like they've got it, yanno? I don't feel confident at all. I feel like I am running around in the dark, grasping for some bit of reality to make me feel grounded, like this is all really happening in my life. Reflecting back, my highschool life, I just floated through. This happened, that happened, but I just kept going on, and then graduation happened, I floated through that (did grad even happen? jury is still out...) and now here is university on my doorstep and I don't have any twin XL sheets for my matress pad. Where on Earth, am I supposed to find twin XL sheets?
I leave for Vancouver in 28 days and I have no sheets, nor an iPod. Yes, I am missing my iPod... without sounding like a pretention ass, I miss my iPod like I miss friends. I am so attached to it. Simply buying a new one just isn't the same.
But I digress... I suppose it's time to put on my big girl shoes and start packing my bags... Vancouver and my life are happening, and I'd like to be present for it this time.

Love, peace, and packing lists,

Sam.

Body Image & Folk Music

2010-07-21T22:17:00.000-07:00

This blog is going to come to you in two parts! Part one, being body image, and the second being folk music... and it's sweet sweet twangy goodness.

Part One:

Sometimes, I need to sit back and take a deep breathe. And never, ever read a magazine again. I know it's common knowledge, but our society is obsessed whole heartily with body image. Magazines tell women which food will make them shed pounds the quickest, while tabloids call the next slim star anorexic. In a society of celebrity worship, when the stars are too thin, what is just right? I know, in a perfect world, we'd all be healthy, happy, and accepting of another and what every single one of us looks like. But this isn't a perfect world, lets be honest here. This hatred is personified through thousands upon thousands of facebook groups hating on those who are overweight. "Hey Fatty, don't you just look lovely in those leggings" "leggings and skinny jeans should have a weight limit" are just two examples of the hate that goes around the 'net. It gets even worse, with comments saying "I'd rather throw myself out of a window than have a yucky body like that" or "fat chicks should be put on a separate island." The hate also reaches the other end of the spectrum, with "skinny people" hate. Now, I don't want to make excuses for either side, hate is hate. Basically, I am just frustrated: facebook groups, magazines, TV, everything... how is a person supposed to know what they're supposed to look like... Well here's the thing... you're not. You're supposed to look like you. Now go, get up and go look in the mirror. Take a good look. You see the eyes staring back you? The shape of the nose? The Curve of the mouth? Perhaps the indent of your hips, the curves of you stomach (or lack of), how much your ears stick out... this is all you and this is what you're supposed to look like. No like Lohan, Hilton, Spears or who ever else is in the tabloids. You are supposed to look like you. You only have on body, one vessel to live in while you're on Earth. This body you are given, should be treated with respect and dignity. Feed it well, exercise it, love and cherish it. Most of all, love those around you. Not for their weight, but for them. They have bodies and minds too, that need to be cherished, just like yours. Remember, especially women who can be so cruel to themselves and others, an attack on one, is an attack on all. Just because someone's nasty comment isn't directed directly at you, it doesn't mean it doesn't include you. Hate is hate. So basically, be happy, be healthy, be loved and spread love. Life is too short to be hating on everything!

Part Two:

Folk music, oh how I love thee.
'nuff said.

Peace, love and banjos,
Sam.

Some Polonius-ish Advice

2010-07-05T13:29:00.000-07:00

So, as a recent grad I feel the (nearly egotistical) need to send some Polonius like adivce to some recent seniors!

This year is going to to by so quickly! I can't even express how fast it's going to go. It feels like at one moment you are walking through the doors on your first day, then the next you're paying your grad fees. Which you should do early, don't wait last minute to pay your grad fees. This year coming up for you is going to be hectic at best. Between actually school work and prom ect. it gets to be a lot on your plate. Don't stress too much about prom, and a prom date. It will all work out. Remember, your prom escort (escort sounds better than date) isn't going to be the man or woman you marry (or maybe you will?) it can be just a friend, or even someone's brother. I went with just a friend, and it was perfectly fine. It's maybe even a little better going with just a friend then you don't have all that weird couply pressure, yanno? And plus, if you two break up your prom photos wont be you and your ex-girl/boyfriend. The closer you get to being finished, the more friendly teachers get. Everyone has that one teacher they got close with, that became almost like a mentor throughout school, saying goodbye to this teacher is sad, nearly more sad than saying goodbye to some of your friends. Oh yes, when you're at prom and you're walking down redcarpet, it's going to be very overwhelming. EVERYONE takes your picture, not just people you know... EVERYONE. Remember, head high, one leg infront of the other, shoulders back, big smile. Coffee is your friend, don't hate on coffee and don't hate on the people who make you your coffee. These people are like little angels sent to you with cups full of love. If you develop a minor caffeine addiction, don't fret... it will only prepare you for your next university year. Remember all the little details of your life around you right now. This is your last year and a student at SPSS and all the little things are going to matter when you're gone and want to keep memories. Don't be one of those people who live their senior year through the lens of a camera. I know those memories are important to document, but some of the best memories come at those times that are unplanned. Be spontanious... so you're seitting in the middle of class and a freak rainstorm happens. Grab the hall pass, find a friend and go out and dance in that rain. This year, especially near grad, people you haven't talked to in the last five years will all of a sudden want to become your bestfriend. Don't fight it, invite it. Put past grudges and fights behind you and have fun. This is your last year with all of these people, the least you can do is save the drama and let the past stay there. Live in the moment. Under your grad gown, wear something REALLY comfurtable. And also, girls, don't bobbypin your cap on... you take it off and on so many times it doesn't really matter. You move the tassel right to left. When choosing a university, don't listen to what everyone is telling you, you SHOULD do, do you WANT to do, and what feels right for you. I know it doesn't sound practical, but when thinking about money don't. Your education is important enough to go in debt for. Loan it, scholarship it, borrow it, I don't care, but this is your future. If George busts you in the hallways, chat him up about Norman Rockwell or argue the differences of a comic and a graphic novel. Enjoy every moment, every single moment. All the laughs, all the tears all the drama. Remember it all. Enjoy it all. And don't get caught up in it being your last year!
Peace, love and grad caps,
Sam.

Home, Let Me Go Home.

2010-07-04T23:29:00.000-07:00

So, I graduated and am officially don't highschool. It's still a weird feeling that I haven't gotten 100% used to yet. I still feel like I am going to walk the hallways of my former school next year, and everything will be like it has for the past four years. I will enter at the doors closest to the student parking lot. You have to yank on the doors really hard to get them open. I will balance my coffee ontop of my binder and hold the door open with my foot. Once I enter the flourescent hallway, I will see the janitor. I don't know his name, in my head I just call him New Wally, I think his name is Ernie or Erve. I enter and turn right and walk down the hallway that has the offices and Mr. Whyte's room... which is never open it's too early. I will continue down to my locker, open it (08-22-32). I set me coffee on the bench across from my locker and set my coat and other belongings inside. I grab my coffee and decide if I want to stand there and read and wait till more people arrive or if I'll go down at talk to Moeller. Usually, I just drink my coffee at my locker, I'm not very talkative in the mornings. The teachers and staff start arriving. First an aid worker, then the secretaries. I say hi to them all and get greeted with a good morning. Sometimes RD would show up early and we'd talk, sometimes she wouldn't. I'd spend each morning drinking my coffee, enjoying some silence before my day started.
Next September, it's all different. I don't have this same routine, I can't even picture what it's going to be like. To be honest, I'm terrified.... not knowing what to expect. I'm scared I'm going to do badly, or not be able to take this big of a step. It just feels like a lot happening, even though nothing in my day to day life is actually going on. I spend each day pretty alone.
I'm scared and I'm nervous. It's over shadowing my excitement.

Same Ghost Every Night (Wolf Parade)

2010-06-07T21:29:00.000-07:00

I'm having one of those moments where my mind is so busy, that talking about what is on my mind is futile; what am I supposed to talk about when I have everything to talk about? My senior year is coming to an end in nine days (but who's counting?) and grad is in eighteen (again, who's counting?). My last few weeks have been nothing short of stressful. Everything just happened all at ones: friend stuff, school stuff, boy stuff. Now, I am trying to compartmentalize and just make it through these next few weeks; this is harder than one would think. I know in the back of my mind, that these silly high school love triangles are nothing short of ridiculous, but for some reason, I am still affected by them. Being involved is some akin to beating your head against a brick wall, repeatedly for a long period of time. That being said, my last year at SPSS hasn't been all horrible. I have had some really fun times: made new friends, new memories, new connections. I'm not even going to lie about finding myself and blah, blah, blah. I am still just as identity confused as I was when I first stepped foot in the public school system of DC in grade seven... only this time there is less eyeliner and angst.
Now, this is going to probably evolve into a mushy grad post, but oh well, it was bound to happen sooner or later. I don't even know who reads this anymore.
Anyway...
I am floored that we made it to 2010. It seemed, starting highschool three years ago, it was never going to end. To me, it seemed as though it was going to last forever, there was nothing beyond the blue doors of SPSS. Never, had it occurred to me, that grade twelve would happen, and the impending future would catch up to us all. The future was just another F word we all used, dreamed about, but never was really a solid piece of matter... until now. The future just isn't a word or a concept anymore, the future is becoming our present, and we all have to be ready for it. It's still a foreign thought to think that next year, we're all going to be in university spread out throughout Canada. I mean, I'm going to Vancouver (oh yeah, btw the I got unto UBC Vancouver, HUZZAH!), most seem to be going to Prince George, and others elsewhere, some staying in the Mile 0. It all doesn't feel real to me, I still feel like there is some cosmic joke being played.
Graduation is just around the corner, and then that's it. South Peace is over for us. We become students of University of British Columbia, Emily Carr, Simon Fraser and assorted other schools. No longer do we walk the cramped hallways.
Looking back on my highschool experience, it was pretty good. I have grown so much, as so have my peers... well some of them... we all grew up (or didn't) with eachother and now we are all moving onto to grow some more with new people in a new setting. It's bittersweet in a way, happy yet sad. As of now, it doesn't matter who Johnny is banging or who Sally is wheelin'... what matters now is keeping the connections with the people we grew with the most and also giving eachother room to grow some more. I refuse to recite our ridiculous grad rhyme. REFUSE... but hey... we did it... we made it through... maybe a little bruised and worse for ware, but it was an adventure in a book we can all soon close.

Keep Your Head Up, Kid

2010-03-28T01:34:00.000-07:00

I'm exhausted, bloody exhausted. Grade twelve is a whirlwind of everything: unexpected friendships, boys, university, grad, life, growing up. At this moment right now I feel as though life is happening too fast for me to really keep up. My friends have been accepted into university, those going, other one(s) are moving across the country. I myself have been accepted into university, (University of British Columbia, Okanagan campus). UBC-O wasn't my first choice, UBC Vancouver was, essentially I've been short listed for UBC-Van. When I found out, I was essentially devastated, and couldn't rejoice in the fact that I was indeed, accepted into university. A very good university at that. I just had my mind so made up about Vancouver, that it became apart of me, apart of my identity. Now, that it might not be there, I'm a little lost as to who I am and what I'm going to do, and how I'm going to do it. Growing up is hard. We are going to have to give up our old selves. The people we were in highschool, and become someone new. We are starting a whole new chapter in our lives, and we can choose to stay here and be the same person we were in highschool. In highschool, our lives were planned out for us, we knew what to expect every year. Now, we're all going off to start a new life, an independent life. This is our last year as children really, before we take on the world. It's terrifying, it's exciting, it's sad, it's bittersweet. It's so many things I can't even wrap my head around it, I don't know if I ever will.

Phantom List of All Time Favourite Songs...

2010-03-16T17:15:00.000-07:00

1) Santeria - Sublime
2) Rocky Mountain High - John Denver
3) Africa - Toto
4) The Only Living Boy in New York - Simon and Garfunkel
5) Re: Stacks - Bon Iver
6) Meadowlark - Fleet Foxes
7) Pulling on a Line - Great Lake Swimmers
8) Million Dollars - the Joel Plaskett Emergency
9) In the Summertime - The Rural Alberta Advantage
10) Thirty-Three - Smashing Pumpkins

All songs are subject to change.

I'm Having a Depressing Personal Moment. I apologize.

2010-03-14T13:02:00.000-07:00

So, this blog post is going to be really out of character I guess, kind of depressing and self deprecating, I'm sorry. But I just need to write out my feelings to try and keep track of what is going through my brain.

You know, I'm a happy person. I love the smalls things in life like jumping on ice and cracking it or the way sunlight catches water and casts a rainbow. I am a happy person. But, to put it in simple terms, I'm more Meredeth Grey than Izzie Stevens. I'm not simple, I come with me and about forty luggage bags of baggage and I'm only eighteen. I don't sleep, I'm a bloody insomniac, I read Russian literature and call it beautiful, I listen to folk music and Jay-Z, I can quote Gilmore Girls and usually make really awkward pop culture references, I think Family Guy is funny, I cry during movies and refuse to applaud after watching a movie in the theatre, university makes me excited even though I get paralyzing fear of moving to a city I've never really explored, I never would have made it through highschool without coffee and my person, I've never had a boyfriend, I hate diamonds and gold, I will gladly spend all my money on coffee, books and music, I stress bake to make myself feel better, I rarely watch TV, I drink cups of tea, I volunteer because I love helping people I like the feeling it gives me and I like making a change in someone else's life for the better... I don't do it for the title or for school credits, I want to travel with just my backpack and my camera and go where ever I want, I want an adventure, I love easily and get hurt easily, I hate sitting on a chair someone else just sat in because of their residual ass warmth, I have good days and bad days with self esteem, I listen to bands people haven't heard of... not to be oh so cool but because to me you can still feel the human emotion behind the music, trust doesn't come easy to me, I live in my head, I love to talk, I love movies, I am a very proud Canadian but can see the flaws in my country, I realize that home isn't where your house is home is where you're happy and can be anywhere at anytime, I can about the environment and hate people who think Global Warming is a hoax, I am confused about 90% of the time and usually have no idea what I'm doing but I do it anyway...

I understand all that crap about "one day love will happen for you" and blah blah blah... but for once, I would like to be able to have a name for what I'm feeling right now, because I don't.

I Can Be Alone, Yeah, I Can Watch A Sunset On My Own...

2010-01-05T20:59:00.001-08:00

This blog post is brought to you by a big heaping helping of realization.

Okay, so, as of late, I've noticed a lot of negativity around me. Negativity in the sense of people hating the world, people hating themselves, people hating their situations ect. ect.

I COMPLETELY understand, it's perfectly normal to have FML moments in your life, I had like five to day, but you know what... why do we insist on dwelling on them? When in reality, no matter how much we dwell on them, it's not going to change the fact that they happened. See, in my head (it's a scary place in there), when you have a FML moment, you have two choices: 1) You can sit there, and let it stew in your head going over it again and again and again or 2) REACT, do something about it, take your life, in YOUR hands and fix what happened, or try and improve on what happened. We control those moments, and it's up to us to see the brighter side of everything to make it better. As a person, you can't just sit around waiting for other people to solve things for you. You have to take an active role in your world, and sometimes do it yourself. Now this doesn't mean going to friends or family with problems is a bad thing. Talking it through can be really healthy and cathartic. It's AMAZING to have those people in your life who you can trust openly. I'm just saying that you can talk it out, you can take opinions and suggestions, but at the end of the day, it's really up to you what you do.

So, in conclusion. Live a life full of happiness and positivity. Feel beautiful, surround yourself with beautiful things. Find people in your life who you can trust and make you feel loved. Don't dwell on the negative, instead, fix it. Look at the world as a glass half full, not half empty.

Love,
Sam.

PS. When all else fails, and your day is COMPLETE crap, turn on ABBA, and dance your ass off.

My Life is a HUGE Playlist.

2010-01-04T20:55:00.000-08:00

Happy 2010 all, I hope this first week of the new decade has been well for all!
So, this is Jaunary, muh birthday month, woop, woop! If I know you in real life, I'll more than likely drive you crazy until I turn 18... and then ever after that I will. Sorry, birthdays excite me more than Christmas. Jus' Sayin'. I am thinkin' for the new year I am going to give my blog a facelift. I like the earthy tones if my current layout, but it's kinda frustrating me a wee bit. I am also going to have some more picture posts.

Have a good week everyone!

Exhaustedly yours,
Sam.

PS. As most of you know, making playlists is my life. Here's my 8track account. http://8tracks.com/sammymarie .

2010-01-01T00:01:00.000-08:00

Happy New Years :)

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And auld lang syne!

Chorus.-For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne.
We'll take a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.

2009 in Review

2009-12-31T01:08:00.000-08:00

So, it's New Years Eve, the day where everyone gets nostalgic about the year passing, and hopeful about the year dawning. It's all good, but maybe we put too much hope into this twenty-four hours? After all, it is another day. I understand it's supposed to be this day of the dawning new year where we're supposed to be starting a new slate, wiped clean of '09s what-have-yous. Also true that this upcoming year is a new decade, we're supposed to be saying goodbye to the "aughts". To me, personally, the new year is a fresh start, because it's going to be the year that I start an entirely new life in. I'm going to be turning 18, going to University, possibly moving to Vancouver, it's going to be a big year, and a bittersweet year. This 2010, I have to say goodbye to highschool, and the kids I've been seeing everyday for five years. I also have to say goodbye to some of my bestfriends, and go on and make new college friends. I never really thought how hard it would be to say goodbye to some of my really good friends. I mean, some of them (one of them in particular) kept me sane during highschool. Now, we're going to be moving across the country from eachother. It's always this thought in the back of my mind that I really hope we stay in touch, but, really, from what we've been through together and how much we've grown together, I'm pretty positive that we can't grow apart. I know there are going to be some friends that I grow away from, that's normal. But there's a couple in particular, I don't want to ever lose contact with. There's one that I still want to be talking to when we're both sixty and in wheel chairs. Here's to Tonto and the Lone Ranger.
Now, onto slightly less depressing topics.
Sam's 2009 in Review!
So, 2009 was a pretty big year for me. I left the country for the first time and went to Cayo Coco, Cuba for my brothers wedding, and swam in the beautiful Caribbean.
I successfully started my grade 12 year, and now have five months till I graduate. I got my L, and get to get my N in two months! I took Literature 12, the best class, ever. I got a brokenheart, got over, moved on. I grew more confident with the person I am, and am getting to know the person I will be. I stopped really living for other people and started having some me time. I made new friends, lost some old ones, and reconnected with some drifted ones. My 2009 was a positive year, a good year. I don't regret a moment of it.
I never make New Years resolutions. I don't need some flimsy goal made at midnight to dictate my year. But, in 2010, I want to savour every moment I have, because I am moving in August to a different place, with new people. And I really want to appreciate everyday I have left with my friends, before we all go different ways.

So,

Here's to a new year, filled with big changes.

Love forever,

Tonto, Sammy, Samwise, Sammy Slamma Jamma, Re, Pie, Kid, and all those other names I get called.

2009-12-30T20:56:00.001-08:00

AAAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHH

2009-12-24T23:10:00.000-08:00

Dear Everyone,

This Scrogette is officially going to bed this Christmas Eve/Christmas Morning, feeling immensely loved and appreciated. I hope that you all rang in this holiday with the same warm and fuzzy feeling.

Sugar Plum Fairyily yours,

Sam.

PS.
I so believe in Santa. Right now, he's in BC.

Happy Christmas Guys :)

2009-12-24T09:58:00.000-08:00

Happy Holidays!

I hope you guys are having a good Christmas, or Chanuka, or really, whatever else you celebrate...
Happy CHRISTMUKAWANZA!

I seem to have found my holiday spirit, it was covered in five layers of dust, but it's there. It's a wee bit fragile, but, I have soy eggnog and extra strong coffee.

Here's some music for your Christmas celebrations.

Ex-Scroogaliciously Yours,
Santa Sam.

So... Take from this what you will.

2009-12-17T22:20:00.000-08:00

Simply knowing you exist aint good enough for me
But asking for your telephone number
seems highly inappropriate

Seeing as I can't
even say hi
when you walk by

And that time you shook my hand it felt so nice
I swear I've never felt this way about any other guy
and I never usually notice people's eyes but..

I conducted a plan
To bump into you most accidentally
but
I was walking along
and I bumped into you
much more heavily than I'd originally planned.
It was well embarrassing and
I think you thought that I was a bit of a twat

I just think that we'd get on
Oh I wish I could tell you face to face
instead of singing this stupid song
but yeah I just think that we might get on

So I went to that party
everyone they were kind of arty
And I was wearing this dress
'cause I wanted to impress
But I wasn't sure if I look my best
'cause I was so nervous
But I carried on regardless
strutting through each room
trying to find you

And when I saw you kissing that girl
My heart, it shattered
and my eyes, they watered
and when I tried to speak I stu-uttered

And my friends were like "Whatever,
you'll find someone better,
his eyes are way too close together
and we never even liked him from the start.
And now he's with that tart,

and I heard she'd done some really nasty stuff
down in the park with Michael.
He said she's easy
and if your guys with someone that's sleazy
then he ain't worth your time
cause you deserve a real nice guy"

So I proceeded to get drunk and to cry
I locked myself in the toilets for the entire night

Saturday night, I watch Channel 5
I particularly like CSI
I don't ever dream about you and me
I don't ever make up stuff about us
that would be considered insanity

I don't ever drive by your house to see if you're in
I don't even have an opinion on that tramp
that you are still seeing

I don't know your timetable
I don't know your face off by heart
but I must admit that there is a part
that still thinks that we might get on
that we might get on
that we *could* get on
that we should get on

Things that make me happy...

2009-12-06T21:32:00.000-08:00

So, I've been down lately over a variety of things, and I decided that I am going to try and positive by making a list of things that make me happy.

1. Christmas Time

Christmas time is just that time of year where you can stuff your face with cookies, and spend time with friends and family. In my Christmas, everything is warm, and smells like nutmeg.

2. Disney Songs

Disney music, especially music from The Lion King makes me unbelievably happy. It brings me back to happy moments in my childhood.

3. This Prom Dress

This dress is so wonderful... I love the design on the skirt.

4. 90s Music

The Smashing Pumpkins, Semisonic, Eagle Eyed Cherry... such wonderfullness.

5. Rooibos Tea!

For serious, Rooibos tea is one of my most favourite things on earth.

6. This Adorable Owl Scarf from www.modcloth.com

How could you NOT love it?!

7. Imogen Heap

8. Michael Buble

Jus Sayin'

9. Future Perfect Radio

I have found so many new and awesome bands from on here. Love it!

10. The Secret Life of the American Teenager

Judge me all you want for liking this. But seriously, I've been watching it all weekend online, and I'm totally addicted. It's so cheesey and lame, but I love it. And, Molly Ringwald is KICK ASS!

So, this is my list. Hope you guys have a good week!

-Sam

2009-06-22T20:59:00.000-07:00

It's clear, I can feel-

Fake, not real, made up, false, hurt
Make this feeling stop.

Obscure Haiku

2009-06-20T13:27:00.000-07:00

Why can't it be now?
What can it do? Me or can-
It please, please be you.

2009-06-18T20:25:00.001-07:00

Butterfly nervous,
What to do, I hate waiting
Close my eyes, forget.

2009-06-16T18:24:00.000-07:00

Can you say trainwreck?

2009-06-14T21:47:00.000-07:00

Childish Day Dreams
Confess, confess, confess, please,
I wish, I wish, I...

Apostrophe To The Ocean

2009-06-13T20:18:00.000-07:00

There is a pleasure in the pathless woods,
There is a rapture on the lonely shore,
There is a society, where none intrudes,
By the deep sea, and music in its roar;
I love not man the less, but nature more,
From these our interviews, in which I steal
From all I may be, or have been before,
To mingle with the universe, and feel
What I can ne'er express, yet cannot all conceal.

TS Elliot

2009-06-09T16:10:00.000-07:00

I don't want to be a hollow man. I don't want to join the ranks of those passionless, wantless, souless, sods who walk the earth, with nothing reflecting in their eyes, except that of is reflected back to them, from those of us who have souls.
I don't want to walk the dead, barren lands, with no way, no direction. I don't want to face the twinkle of that fading star. I don't want to stand on the banks of the tumid river, contemplating either or not to cross, or stay in my existence. Because, that's all I would be doing. Existing. Nothing more, nor, nothing less. Just a scarecrow. I don't want death's twilight kingdom to be my only hope, of a hopeless man, or, woman. I don't want to be empty. I don't want my memories of my passion to fade. I don't want that looming shadow to fall between my feelings and my actions. I want my world to begin and end with a bang.
Not a whimper.

Toronto

2009-05-16T06:29:00.000-07:00

Hey all!
I should have updated you all when I was in Vancouver last night, but I forgot. Right now I am in Pearson international airport in Toronto, Ontario. Its all cloudy and overcast currently, this makes cuba all more inviting.
The flight last night was rough. It was an overnight flight, from midnight to 4am, which translates to 7am toronto time. So when we landed it wa 7am but it felt like 4. I slept a little on the plane, and watched yes, man. It was okay.
I just woke up from sleeping on the airport floor, excuse my writing. It's 10am here but 7am your guy's time. Ugh. I can't wait for a shower oh my god!
This is my first time in Toronto. It was also my first time in Vancouver. I don't remember much of it. I really wish I had something more intersting to update with, but I don't. The plane rides have been good, and I'm seriously lacking in sleep!
Oh! Interacters will appreciate this! I saw Stephen Lewis in the airport!
There were a couple people on my plane wearing swine flu masks, but it's not like outbreak or anything. That's good.
This will be my last update untill I'm on my way back, love ya'll, miss ya!
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

I Brake For Kosher Bacon.

2009-04-28T20:32:00.000-07:00

Hey guys,

Long time no update, eh? Heh, woops. I forget I have a blog periodically, and plus, I've been writing so much for school, the fun has been sucked out of it. But, alas, alack, kerplack, I am updating. Here is a list of what my blog shall entail:

Swine Flu and my trip to Cuba, shit son.
Homework
Fiddler on the Roof
My 18th birthday
Cuba
My near mental break down in yoga

So lemme start, Cuba. I am u-hauling ass outta town for Cuba two weeks from Friday, home dogs. I am leaving the 15th, and returning on the 24th. I shall, hopefully, barring jet lag and swine flu, be in school that Monday. I'm pretty damn jazzed about this trip, I can't wait for the photo opportunities! I'm am also really excited to see my brother and Brit married! Brit will officially be my sister in law, and that makes me really excited. Good on ya, bro! (this makes me giggle, since my brother used to create his own civilizations, and once freaked out on me for touching his hair). This topic is a nice transition to the swine flu "pandemic" this could possibly, with a VERY small chance, make my trip to Cuba not happen, as the country could close out borders, and quarantine us all in our own country. This would be suckalicious, and I would have a minor break down, and have to find a cure myself. I'm thinking, hoping, this wont happen. When you think of it, SARS killed more in Canada than this has. There is only 6 cases in Canada so far, and 64 in the states. All the deaths have been in Mexico. In a way, this could be because of their healthcare, it's not amazing. Also, there could have been more midler cases in Mexico that were never reported. This flu is related to the Spanish Flu, but, in reality, all flus are related, as they are all mutations of eachother. I don't want to think of this anymore, since it really freaks me out. We're due, if you look at patterns for another pandemic. I hope that modern medicine is able to really stop this. Scary shit, son.
My 18th birthday is on a Friday this coming January. This is my God given right to goto Alberta.
Fiddler of the Roof: if I were a biddy biddy rich idle, didle, dydle (wo)man. Seriously, WATCH THIS!
Homework is going to be the death of me, oh sweet jesus. I can barley take it, I've had like nine breakdowns so far. Especially one during yoga today. I was all om shanti shanti one minute, and then, I was all, going to cry the next. It wasn't a nice feeling, I should get that checked.
Okay, I think I have nearly covered everything. Oh yes, I've been feeling lonely lately, especially in English class. Ugh. Leper much? I wonder if Yenta the matchmaker has a match for me?

Mozel tov,

Sam.

Yoga;People;Photography;Art;Stress;Going Green

2009-04-15T22:38:00.000-07:00

Hey all, long time no blog, eh? I've been busy with so much school work, and other things. So, I shall update.
I don't know where I will start, hmm. I am actually going to pick up my camera tomorrow! I am going to walk to school and take some photos on my way there. It will feel really nice to actually produce something after my impromptu hiatus. I love the creative process. Which reminds me, I should really start drawing again. And painting, man art suffers when you're busy with school.

Lael says: (10:46:23 PM)
well they start july 6, and through summer, and there is a model, (we need to be 17+ ) and its 10 dollas a drop in, tuesday nights 7-9 k?

Sorry, needed to remember that.

Anywhoo! I just totally got distracted from writing this blog.

ADD-a-liciously yours,
Sam.

Streptoccocus? I think that's how you spell it. I could probably draw it.

2009-03-26T18:27:00.000-07:00

I have step throat, go me! woot! I live for the days when I can swallow (food and drink kids, jeepers), without the searing pain of a branding iron being shoved down my throat, and then having that pain shoot to my ears on the muscle highway. Enough self pity though!
I have mixed feelings about school on Monday... well mostly PANIC, I have done NOTHING, that is due, I'm magical that way. So, I am starting Friday and pulling a wonderful series of all nighters, in true Sam fashion.
I am going to start taking pictures again and posting them on my other blog, which I encourage you guys to look at and comment, the zero is depressing! (Click here) Plain, I know, lame title, I know. It used to be called something pretentious and witty, but it also set the content that I was going to post on there, but I decided to change direction, so NOW, we're going to have two Sam blogs.

THIS ONE: Personal stuff, rants, things meant for your guys, emotion break downs
THE OTHER ONE: CLICK THIS LINK HERE: Pictures I have taken, interesting links, observations, just that is sort of personal, but not really? Yanno? Expect a more formal writing format for that blog, since it's public. The next paragraph is going to be brough tto you with no vowels, becasue I can.

sprng brk fr m hs bn knd bd. Sck fr mst, fghtng th thr hlf, grt stff. Ppl, rlly nd 2 grw p.

Okay, that's too hard. I started this blog like four hours ago and then just saved it as a draft and went about my day, I really have nothing to write now, I totally lost my flow.

Strepto-liciously yours,
Sam.

Sick.

2009-03-19T13:58:00.000-07:00

I had great hopes for this blog post last night, now I completely forget what I was going to put in it. I am also a little loopy off of cold medicine. I swear to God, I can't listen to this song anymore! Ugh! There we go, Joel Plaskett is better than Zydrate Anatomy. Ohkay, calm. I went out to lunch with mum and grandma today, it was the same old. I didn't really taste my food because I can't breathe through my nose... also, when chewing when your nose is plugged causes breathing problems, and then you almost suffocate eating your sweet and sour pork. It's a sad sad ordeal. My stomach and lungs hurt from coughing, ugh. I am a walking viral plague. I rented the Secret Life of Bees and the Haunting of Molly Hartley to watch tonight. I am pretty excited, I don't do good with scary movies by my self, but we'll see.

Germ-matically yours,
Sam.

2009-03-18T23:37:00.000-07:00

Sleep?
Please oh, please.
I promise, a more long post tomorrow.

2009-03-16T09:31:00.000-07:00

My toes are feezing!
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

2009-02-10T21:25:00.000-08:00

At this moment, this moment RIGHT NOW. I am at peace with my life.

Photo Scavanger Hunt!

2009-01-28T22:01:00.000-08:00

So, me, Alyssa and Arielle partook in a photo scavanger hunt, and this is what came of it!
FULL VIEW THE PICTURES!

1)Smoke

2) Reflection (I love this one :) )

3) War -- Self explanatory.

4) Temptation... notice the phone number and such.

5) Twilight

6) Music

7) Contrast (Record and iPod)

8) Toy

9) Rainbow

10) Anonymous

11) Advanced

12) Forgotten

13) Magic

14) Obsession

15) Perfection

16) Soft

17) Hidden

18) Scary

19) Yummy

20) Love

Sam's Super Duper Music List.

2009-01-04T20:39:00.000-08:00

American Terrorist - Lupe Fiasco

Just listen to it.

Karma Police - Radiohead

Few things in life bring me stomach clenching joy, Radiohead is one of them.

Who Are We Defenders of the Universe - The Dears

Listen to the lyrics, it's about the homeless. It's such an amazing song.

Paper Planes - MIA

Just love MIA, kthnx.

Hussle - MIA

See above comment.

Sex on Fire - Kings of Leon

If you seen the playcount on my iPod you'd be ashamed.

There She Goes - The La's.

Apparently this songs makes other people think of me haha.

Tetris - DeCav5

so bloody catchy.

Jesus Christ - Brand New

This song has seen me through the worst of times. This whole band has. Everytime I need something when I am down just to agree with me this song does.

A Perfect Sonnet - Bright Eyes

Connor Oberst is the most amazing person to pick up an acoustic guitar.

Lover's Spit - Broken Social Scene

MAGICAL

Kennedy Killed the Hat - Buck 65

Hip Hop Sam can love!

Save Your Scissors - City and Colour

This song has so much emotional meaning to me, I can't even begin.

The Hardest Part - Coldplay

This song reminds me of when I had to move out of my mums house. Listen to it.

Sons and Daughters - The Decemberists

Ok, so if you haven't listened to the Decemberists you are a sinner.

Red Right Ankle - The Decemberists

This song totally reminds me of my dad and I going to Edmonton for my brothers grad. We listened to it and my father just LOVED it, he listened to it like nine times in a row.

True - The Dresden Dolls

This band and how it came known to me is a long story, but hey, if I can get anything from a guy, it would some kick ass music. This song, I adore. I just love Amanda Palmer, she is so my girl crush.

Delilah - The Dresden Dolls

I listened to this song a lot because it was connected to something that was happening with a friend.

My Alcoholic Friends - The Dresden Dolls

Bahaha.

The Trapeze Swinger - Iron and Wine

Such a beautiful song.

Mouthwas - Kate Nash

Theme song much?

Everybody's Changing - Kean

My song for what happened with erm... friends recently. Friend actually.

Littlest Thing - Lily Allen

Life is a Cabaret - Liza Minelli

"life is a cabaret old chum."

Lost - Michael Buble

Mmmmm Michael Buble....

Attractive Today - Motion City Soundtrack

Me, in a song.

Spiderwebs - No Doubt

So true.

I'm Not Saying - Nico

No one could say it like Nico.

Perfect Day - Lou Reed

You really just need to hear this song.

Wuthering Heights - Angra

This is a cover by the amazing song done by Kate Bush by a German hair metal band. It's so amazing. My dad and I listened to it on the way to Edmonton, and couldn't stop laughing. He totally butchers it, and Heathcliffs name. It's hillarious. He's the German Axle Rose... or as Poppa Nock likes to say "Axul ROUSE!"

I Will Survive - The Puppini Sisters

The Andrews Sisters reincarnate. I was born in the wrong decade.

Rhipcord - Rilo Kiley

Ava Adore - Smashing Pumpkins

Oh man, don't even get me started on SP.

Today - Smashing Pumpkids

"Today is the greatest, day I've ever known. Can't live for tomorrow."

Asleep - The Smiths

The Smiths = OMFGOMFGOMFOMGFOMGOFGMOMFG

Kool Thing - Sonic Youth

Tylar knows how much I love this song.

Say it Ain't So - Weezer

This song reminds me of so much. It's seriously a blog in its self.

There are so many more songs, this will have to be continued.

2008-12-24T23:06:00.001-08:00

Merry Christmas guys.

Love ya all.

-Scroogette.